Tennis, anyone?

Gentlemen, meet Maria Kirilenko. Maria Kirilenko meet…oh hell, never mind. Just have those restraining orders handy.

Russia’s latest gift to WTA television ratings is doing her part to sell women’s tennis to, well, those of us who really couldn’t care less and, unlike one of her predecessors,

Anna Kournikova, actually knows how to win in her sport, racking up five singles wins on the WTA Tour. And while Kournikova certainly looked hot being a complete and utter loser on the court, she did make a lot of headlines for being the cream in the Pavel Bure-Sergei Fedorov Oreo cookie and dumping Enrique Iglesias which, in hindsight, should get her a medal.

But back to Kirilenko. Her parents are Olga and Yuri – gee, strange names for Russian parents, huh? – and she is coached by some lucky dude named Eric Van Harpen. No, dumbass,
he’s not a guitarist. Sports Illustrated let her do a bikini spread in their annual Swimsuit Issue and only the yummiest of the yummy get that plum gig.

Kirilenko’s shocking first-round upset at Roland Garros sucks for most of us, for obvious reasons, but saves you having to explain to the missus why the hell you are watching women’s tennis for two weeks straight.

Just when life couldn’t get any better, turns out Kirilenko and Maria Sharapova are close friends. Which makes you wonder why you didn’t become a tennis umpire. Oh, um, a ball boy.

Sports streakers need to show some balls

Sports streakers, I can clearly see you’re nuts.

We’re all seem ‘em, if you’ll pardon the pun, but you’ll got to at least show a little crack to get a laugh, unlike the liquored-up quack at the Byron Nelson Championship that got really daring and stripped down to his boxers, ran across the fairway and hopped a fence.

Go big of, for crying out loud, go home. Even if you, uh, big is just a moment in your dreams. Do what the rest of us do. Blame the shower or cold weather.

I mean, some guy have to get at least an ‘A’ for effort, like that Calgary Flames legend that scaled the boards wearing nothing but a pair of red socks before coming out on the wrong side of the laws of physics once he hit the ice. But hey, he gave the A-OK as he was carted off on a stretcher.

So, doing a little cut and paste job from my blog over at Fairways Golf, here are my Top 10 that should one day be enshrined in the Streakers Hall of Fame:

10. This guy gets the award for most cops required to haul off a drunken naked man.



9. Bet you never thought you would see a naked guy wearing just a chicken at a bonspiel. Think again.



8. It took security guards four minutes – literally - to catch this streaker so, at the end of his little game of catch me if you can, he figured he was going down anyway so he might as well score.



7. This is the right way to streak in golf. Well, unless you happen to be male.



6. Mom would be so proud. Well, this guy is anyway.



5. Some guys go to a tennis match to show off their gymnastics skills. Among other things.



4. Wasn’t this the guy in Chariots Of Fire? Great form…or at least a heck of a lot better than his pursuers.



3. Best friends, together forever. Even at bail hearings.



2. A must for public streaking: too much beer. But, dude, ditch the black socks. Seriously.



1. The best golf streaker of all time, the legendary Mark Roberts at the ’95 British Open. Coincidentally, the event was won by one John Daly. Go figure.



But beware. You’ll get laughs but remember, it was Confucius, I believe, that once said “man who streak soon have crackup.”